Coaches in every sport will talk about the 24-hour rule: before they will talk to you as the parent or your child as the teammate about a conflict or complaint, they expect everyone to pause and wait 24 hours before raising a concern. This is a sound rule especially in this day of constant connection and instant publication. But you should always take a pause. Emotions run high during a divorce, of course they do. If you react on emotion, in the moment, you may do long-term harm not only to your financial stability but to the fiber of your family. Don’t hit send.
Impulsive Messages Become Part of the Paper Trail
As an attorney, I love a paper trail, but I hate to see that impulsive message sent at 1:00 AM that undercuts my client’s credibility. My advice is to write it all down in something other than an email or text: use the Notes feature on your phone or something as simple as a memo pad. Get it all out on paper, there may be important facts or patterns that your attorney needs to know about that you don’t even realize are relevant. Just don’t hit send. Save it, read it the next day, send it to your lawyer. I will acknowledge receipt of the emotionally-charged email after a difficult incident as soon as is practical so you know you have been heard, but I will also wait at least several hours or a day to act. I need to speak to the client before I prepare the letter that will become a part of the paper trail.
The Benefit of the Pause and Attorney Protection
Several years ago, I drafted a letter for a client including some inflammatory information. Until this point, the client (to their credit) worked hard not to fan the emotional flames. But there were matters of safety involving the child and I needed to protect the client. After reading what I put on paper without any edits, the client realized this was a step backwards and while the matter needed to be addressed, sending that first draft would have resulted in the spouse becoming defensive, more fighting, and, candidly, more fees. There are things that need to be documented, but you need the protection of your attorney and the benefit of the pause to focus on what the true issue is and what can be effectively addressed by the courts or the law.
Here at AMR Law, we are always available to answer questions you may have about divorce, child custody, mediation, and other matters in family law. Please feel free to reach out to us at 908.237.3098 or use this contact form.
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